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Growing up

Growing up is an emotion. For me, at least. You may see it as a mere physical or cognitive change, but it represents a much deeper meaning for me. I know I can’t make you see it exactly the way I feel it, but I’ll give it a try.

I ask my mother, “Ma, when you were my age did you feel like you were growing up? Did it ‘feel’ like growing up?” “Not really, I never had time for thinking of all this”, she says. “I was busy with my new job that I had to take up, so I immersed myself in that.”

This makes me wonder about how blessed I am to have the luxury of time, to be able to think of such philosophical stuff, if you may. This realization of your blessings is emotional growth for me.

Just a few days ago I was reminiscing about my childhood. What a simple time that was! But I can never go back to that time of my life. You can recreate and relive certain experiences, but will it ever be exactly the same as the first time? That has a remote possibility, but reliving a part of your life, like childhood, is something you can’t do ever. Because time is the only constant in the equation and time travel hasn’t been invented yet, so it’s of no use wishing you could go back in time and make yourself enjoy that time more than you actually did.

This makes me think of my present life. Right now it all feels scary and daunting, maybe I don’t even like it all that much. But a few years down the road, I’m going to miss this time; maybe even think about how I could have done so much more in this seemingly limited time that I had. That’s when it hit me that I don’t want to live an entire life full of regrets! I wished I could grow up faster when I was a kid, and now that I have grown up I’m wishing I could go back in time and tell my younger self that just stop daydreaming about the future and live in your present, for goodness’ sake! I think that’s the message my future self would also send out to my present self if I keep dreaming about what could happen, rather than concentrating on what is happening. Again, this confusing paragraph is growing up.

I sit on my bed for hours scrolling through social media, stuck in this endless rut of consuming and not giving back anything. It annoys me that social media basically rules our life nowadays, when I could be doing so much more productive things. That’s when I come across a term of which I’ve never heard before, naturally it captures my attention. I open the YouTube app and search for that term, and a number of videos pop up and out of those the Ted talk catches my eye. 15 minutes later, I come out feeling enlightened, like I learnt a lot in a little amount of time. Then I contradict myself by thinking, “Look at how the internet and media is broadening our thoughts. I’m impressed.” The internet has literally all kinds of content, it depends on what you choose to give your time to. I’m mind-blown by this time. Growing up, again.

So what is this growing up? Simply said, it’s nothing but wondering. Thinking out of the box. Just thinking, even. It’s marveling at something which you never noticed before, because it makes you a different person than you were before you noticed it. That’s growth.

– Everything you go through grows you.

To my greatest enemy and my best friend- my elder sister

Maybe not all of you who are reading this have siblings, and that’s totally fine. To the ones who do, you might just be able to identify with this a tad bit better. This is my first ever blog and I sincerely hope I will be able to make someone’s bad day better by means of this blog.

To begin, I address this to my dearest sister. Sister, you are my ray of hope and sunshine. Of course,you also used to fight with me every single day while you were here with me. Fighting over the silliest of things was our favourite way to bond and that brought us closer. I have to admit, the part I miss most is certainly those petty fights; over the remote, over who got the larger portion of Maggi, over whose turn it is to use the computer, and over a million other such trivial issues. You not just bossed me around, but enjoyed it quite a lot. You were mean to me at times too, but after I complained to mom, I usually got my way because “I’m the younger one.”

But apart from all this, you have also been my biggest support system. You cheered me up in times when I felt like I could hardly smile. You loved me unconditionally, no matter how many times I blabbed about you to mom or despite the fact that I often let you down. You protected me from the world, yet you gave me the liberty to be myself and express myself in my most original form. You taught me how to be a better person, and I look up to you as an idol. You’re an angel, disguised as my sister.

I miss you, my dear sister. I felt as if a major part of me changed the minute you left for studies abroad. I’ve grown up a lot mentally since you’ve been away(just the way you always asked me to 🙂 ) I love you.

PS- Don’t think you’re great or anything, just because I wrote all this. I’m waiting for you to come back, which is when I get payback for you leaving me here all alone.